So, I had to go pick up some stuff at the grocery and the liquor store…because what’s the point of eggnog without brandy, I ask you? Anyway, despite my desire to be nowhere near Xmas traffic, there I was, on a mission from Bob. I’m stopped at a stoplight that’s a 3 lane light. I’ve got my windows down, and Zeppelin playing really loud…because I’m alone in the car…and I can. I hear this deep rumbling noise that can only be created by an old American big block engine come up beside me. I look over, and there is the most cherry late 60’s Camaro I’ve seen in years. This car was amazing…and the torque of the big block and the hemi on top was enough that the car rocked when it was standing still. As I was wiping the drool off my chin, I caught the eye of the guy driving it…and he was obviously one of those “car guys”. Grease stained hands, gimme hat, cigarettes rolled up in his t-shirt sleeve…you know, those guys that you trust to work on your high performance car because they’d rather fine tune a carburetor than have sex…Anyway, he nodded and said howdy, and I nodded and said “sweet ride”. As he was saying “thankee ma’am,”, a brand new PT Cruiser pulled up on the other side of him. How do I know it was new? It had a giant Xmas bow on the top. And a teenager in the driver’s seat.
God love the little teenager, he rolled up on that Camaro like he was a big boy. Rolled down his windows and pressed the gas pedal on his little 4 cylinder engine like he wanted to race. Now…my V8 truck can wipe the ground with a PT Cruiser…PT Cruisers are slow…slower than death…not quick. Cute, but very, very slow. But this Camaro could have beaten my Camaro…and my Camaro had it’s engine and gears designed by a NASCAR shop.
As it turns out, the street after this stoplight is a wide open track for about a mile before the next light…lots of kids race there, although, usually not at 2 in the afternoon…but the point is…it’s a wide clear racing path…and this little kid wanted to race this redneck. I laughed out loud when he revved his little engine…and the guy in the Camaro just looked at him, looked back at me and did that shoulder shrugging, hands palm up thing as though to say…”Kids today, what are ya gonna do?”
So, the light turned green…and the kid in the Cruiser floored it…so he was going all of, I dunno, 20 miles an hour by the time he cleared the intersection. Camaro guy let him go for about 1/4 of a mile before he even shifted the car into first…looked both ways for the ever present police in this town…and took off…the sound was like a mechanical orgasm…I tell you what. (Have I mentioned that I love, love, love fast cars? Nothing will get me hotter than a maintained red line.) He caught the kid in under 3 seconds, passed him, got to the next light, bootleg u-turned, came back around, u-turned again and caught the kid at the light…rolled down his passenger window and said “Hey…wanna try over the bridge? I could probably get into 3rd gear that way. I only caught second that time.” The kid just rolled up his window and turned into the burbclave where he no doubt lived. I laughed and laughed. God, I miss humiliating random teenage boys.