Aaaaaaugh! Freaking Home Owner’s Association!

That’s it. I have had enough of this bullshit. I’m am finding a new (different) house and moving out of trophywife land. Every freaking week we get a letter from them. Our grass is 1/2 an inch too long, they don’t like the way we trimmed the sidewalk, our flower beds have indigenous grasses instead of pansies, and this week, they’re levying fines on the house because my son’s tricycle was outside and visible.

That’s right. We’re getting fined because my son has toys. Outside, where the childhaters can see it. Oh, the pain it must cause them to see that little plastic tricycle and know that another child has populated the planet. The certified letter…which I had to go to the post office to get, says that the grass isn’t trimmed near the house or the flowerbeds. Patently untrue…my husband and I spent over 20 hours (together) mowing and trimming the yard. It says we have visible toys…well, fucking DUH…they won’t let us have a privacy fence, we have to have a decorative wrought iron fence because we back up to the pond. I’m not going to keep my child velcro’d to a wall just so these freaks don’t have to see a slide or a sandbox. Oh…and we have a visible doghouse…the HORROR, THE HORROR!

I’m done. I’m not going to lose a quarter of a million dollar investment because these people are fucking insane. They’re just making up reasons to fine us at this point. We’ve done everything they asked us to do, and yet every week, they find another reason to send us a letter. Plus, they’re raising the HOA rates to $600 a year…which is bloody absurd, considering that they keep taking away the reasons that we moved here, and have yet to put in all the stuff they promised us, like a workout room. In Texas, if you don’t pay the fines, no matter how absurd, the HOA can take your house away and not have to give you anything…nada…in return. They’ve wanted this house since we built the house and they realized that we got the equivilant of 2 lots instead of one. They could bulldoze this house, put up two zero-lots in it’s place and make a lot more money. (The HOA is run by the developers/builders of the community.)

My attorneys warned me not to move here, they said the HOA was a big mistake and I would regret it. And damned if they weren’t right. Now, I just want out. I’ll take a huge loss selling right now, but rather a 20K loss than a 250K loss. Which is really what it comes down to. Either we get out voluntarily, or they will find a way to take the house. They’ve made that increasingly clear. They ran the black families out already. They’re doing their best to run off the hispanic families, and apparently anyone with skin dark enough to not be pale-ass white. Seriously, on our street alone, there are 7 houses that are significantly less well maintained…and none of them have ever gotten a letter. Not surprisingly, they’re all very, very white.

I’m so angry, I could spit. (Which is something well bred women try to avoid, it is.) Up with this, I will not put!

Fuckers. I hate moving. I like my neighbors, I love my town…but I’m just not willing to put up with this constant stress of having to suck the ass of someone who cannot be pleased. My stomach hurts and I’ve been weepy all day because this is just killing me. I should have known better than to leave the weird little multi-ethnic neighborhood. I hate this so much.

Freaking Grrr. If they want us out so badly, just offer me what I paid for the damn place, and I’ll move. There, I’ve said it. I’m going to say it to the HOA manager too. Fine, you want the property, buy me out and I’m gone. Our tricycle will no longer be a bane of your existence.

Update: So, as noted below, I’m looking for a new house. And I found this one. I’d like this one please. No chance it’s going to happen…but this one looks lovely, don’t you agree? What? Too much? Ok…so it’s a leeetle more house than we need. But you know…I could *get* horses. I like horses…for a given value of “like”. Meaning, as long as I don’t have to muck out a stable, or shoot one if it breaks a leg. Plus, there’s room for the boy to grow…have friends over…hell, he could hide a harem out there.

Of course, I can’t find it on a map…and it’s nowhere near anything like…I dunno, civilization. But it’s got trees and a pool…so, there’s that…

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