Back from Austin. Fun trip, old friends, good times. I think it may be the first party in 20+ years where I didn’t drink. Kinda weird, but it was nice waking up not having my mouth taste like Penn Station smells.
So, on another board where I hang out, they were having a discussion about the weirdest/worst/funniest/ drinking moment they’ve had. But I had this amusing Austin story to share:
Probably my most amusing drinking story also involves drugs. It was sometime around the dawn of time, or right after leg warmers went out of fad, and my best friend and I were at a SkateNigs party where much booze was flowing freely. We were very, very toasted.
At the time, she and I both had waitress jobs, and we were supposed to work the early morning breakfast shift the following day. Around 2am, when the rest of the bar crowd started showing up at the party, someone broke out the acid.
Our logic went thusly:
A.) We have to get up to go to work in less than 4 hours.
B.) We might as well stay up all night since we’re too drunk to drive home anyway.
C.) As long as we’re up, we might as well trip, because…we won’t be peaking when it’s time to go to work, we’ll be fine. Besides, the acid will help keep us awake, because it’s bound to have been cut with speed.
(Basic logic: If A, then B, therefore….C. Except, that when you’re drunk, you shouldn’t derive.)
A good time was had by all, and at some point, we took a shower…or jumped in the pool…it’s a little hazy…and we called a cab to take us to work, because by that point, our keys were melting, and the sky was tangerine…and we were pretty sure that the line on the road wasn’t supposed to go up to meet the sky. (It was *very* good acid.)
So…there we are…tripping balls, smelling like booze, SkateNigs, and probably chlorine, trying our level best not to fall over laughing at everything around us. Especially the customers. It was decided, after a rather amusing incident with someone’s sunny-side up eggs, that perhaps I should not try to serve food, but instead, was put on coffee detail.
Basically, I was charged with carrying two full coffee pots, and was to circulate around the restaurant, in search of empty cups, which I was then supposed to fill with said coffee.
Needless to say, drunk and tripping, this became not just an adventure, but a ninja test. I was popping out from behind things, pouring coffee in cups and saying “Coffee? We must all have coffee. Have more coffee!”, and then lunging behind the foliage again. I popped up over booth dividers and filled coffee. I lurked behind other waiters, sneaking up on unsuspecting customers and filling their cups and cackling maniacally as I ran away. (“Ha! You did not see me come, and now, you must resugar your coffee…HaHa! Fear me and my leet ninja coffee skills!)
Once, I came out from the wait station where the coffee pots were kept, and the entire restaurant, every single patron, all put their hands over their cups, in the international symbol for “Please, I beg you, no more coffee ninja”. So, I went for a smoke.
And the truly amazing part of this story? I didn’t get fired. I didn’t even get reprimanded. Austin, before the Dellionaires and carpetbaggers got there. What a town.