You might be a Republican…(with apologies to Jeff Foxworthy)

Are you a Republican? by Larry C Johnson


I once considered myself a
Republican. In light of the record of the Bush Administration and the
Republican controlled congress, I can no longer claim to be a
Republican. Now we have George “AWOL” Bush and his sidekick, Dick
“Five-Deferment” Cheney calling Democrats who question their failed
Iraq strategy, “cut and runners”.

Meet Tammy Duckworth, Democratic candidate for Congress from Illinois and
combat veteran. Tammy lost both legs in a helicopter crash. Hearing the
charge that she wanted to cut and run, Tammy said:

“Well, I didn’t cut and run, Mr. President. Like so many others, I proudly fought and
sacrificed,; Duckworth said. “My helicopter was shot down long after
you proclaimed ‘mission accomplished.”

Ask yourself the following questions and decide, “Are you a Republican?”   (and my apologies to Jeff Foxworthy)

If you enjoy shoplifting while working at the White House, you might be a Republican.

may not recognize Claude Allen’s name, but you’ve probably seen his
face in photos, a little off to the side, a few steps away from the
president. As George W. Bush’s top domestic-policy adviser, Allen stuck
close to the boss. He was Bush’s frequent companion on Air Force One,
and helped stage-manage issues like Social Security and education. A
born-again Christian (his wife home-schools their four kids) and
credentialed conservative (he got his start as an aide to Sen. Jesse
Helms), the 45-year-old lawyer was regarded as a man on his way up in
Republican politics. Party leaders, always on the lookout for
conservative black candidates, pegged Allen as a future congressman or
(Note: Allen pled guilty in September 2006– 

If you enjoy soliciting teenagers and children for sex over the internet, you might be a Republican:

Mark Foley. Republican Rep. Mark Foley resigned yesterday after the
exposure of several sexually suggestive messages he sent to underage
boys.  Mr. Foley, a Florida Republican and chairman
of the Missing and Exploited Children Caucus, led efforts to overhaul
sex-offender laws, apologized in a brief statement that did not mention
the electronic correspondence with the former congressional pages. ( 

Casseday.  Metropolitan Police today charged the director of human
resources at The Washington Times with one count of attempting to
entice a minor on the Internet.  Randall Casseday, 53, was
arrested at 9:45 p.m. yesterday in the 1300 block of  Brentwood
Road NE, where police said he had arranged to meet who he thought was a
13-year-old girl. He had actually exchanged Internet messages and
photographs with a male police officer posing as a girl. ( 

Brian J. Doyle. 
The deputy press secretary for the U.S. Department of Homeland Security
was arrested Tuesday for using the Internet to seduce what he thought
was a teenage girl, authorities said. Brian J. Doyle, 55, was arrested
in Maryland where he lives on charges of use of a computer to seduce a
child and transmission of harmful material to a minor. The charges were
issued out of Polk County Fla. (

If you
enjoy sending other people’s children to war while your kids go to
college and hang out in bars, you might be a Republican

August 2, day two of the summer terror scare, Jenna and Barbara Bush
had to go to midtown. . . .Later, Miller invited the whole group, about
a dozen of them by now, back to his loft farther down Bond Street,
where they drank wine that someone had brought from their dad’s wine
cellar. The party continued till 3 a.m. or so, which made it kind of an
early night for the twins, who have been known to shut down
meatpacking-district clubs like the tiny, exclusive Bungalow 8. Once,
at that club, Jenna saw Joey co-star Jennifer Coolidge and a few
friends in a banquette across the way. “I loved you in Legally Blonde
2,” gushed Jenna (Coolidge played Reese Witherspoon’s hairdresser

If you start a war in Iraq while
lying to the American people that Saddam was tied to Osama Bin Laden, you might be a Republican.

If you failed to complete your own National Guard
and your Vice President received five deferments to avoid service in Vietnam, but accuse

political opponents who challenge your failed foreign policy in Iraq of being
, you might be a Republican.

If you call dark skinned people Macacas and Niggers,
you might be a Republican.

If you ignore intelligence community warnings that
Bin Laden is determined to strike inside the

  States, you might be a Republican.

If you follow policies that squander a budget surplus
and create an $8.5 trillion dollar budget deficit, you might be a Republican.

If you expose the identity of an undercover CIA officer in
charge of tracking down Iraqi weapons of mass destruction, you might be a

If you believe the President should be entitled to jail, without recourse to Habeus Corpus, anyone he decides is a threat, you might be a Republican.

careful consideration, I realize that I lack the moral bankruptcy,
cowardice, and fiscal recklessness to call my self a Republican. 
I’ve decided, I am an American.

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