In which the Zombies are rising

Dear friends,

One realizes that the temptation to board up one’s houses and load the weapons comes upon one fast and strong when one hears the news that the dead are rising. (Especially if one buried one’s Aunt Zelda in that gawdawful floral dog of a dress. Really, what were you thinking?)

But, let us remember that zombies are just like ourselves, albeit a little needier and smellier than most, but as a survivor of many comic conventions, I remind you that zombies are lacking that piquant trace of cat pee and mother’s basement so often extruded by much of fandom, and thus, zombies are often easier to live with than a comic collector.

Zombies are fairly easy to control. (Unlike fandom. How may fan boys does it take to cover a parking lot? It depends on how thinly you slice them. Alternate: it depends on the height of the building from which you push them.)

For the current zombie uprising, you need to make sure you have the following handy:

  • One stout horsewhip
  • One fully stocked wine cellar
  • A steely gaze
  • A masterful tone
  • A freezer full of puffer fish
  • A 400 year old Japanese gardener
  • A stockade of stupid people, or access to a nearby business graduate school.

Optional: Cabana boys, moat and sharks with lasers on their heads.

Of course, the list is self explanatory, but just in case; please note that careful consideration of vintage is important with stocking a cellar. Also, the Argentinians are doing fabulous things with Malbec.

Remember these words: “Bad Zombie! No brains!”

They’re just like puppies once you get to know them.

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