Looks like I picked a bad week to stop sniffing glue….
So, my mother is almost here…she’ll be arriving tomorrow or Friday. We’ve already tiffed via phone about things she and Boy are allowed to do if I’m not there…or even if I am. She’s an arthritic short fat lady in her 60’s, and my father is shaped like Santa…they are not taking the Boy on a boat into the middle of 5 mile lake to go fishing. Has she lost her mind? There is a fish pond in my back yard. Literally. You open my back gate…and there is the pond. Man and I planted willows years ago, so now they’re big enough that the fish always hang out in the shade there. If you throw a line into the pond, something will bite it. Why in the name of all that is holy would you want to go out into the middle of a lake when it’s 50 degrees out and the wind is gusting 30 miles an hour? The woman is insane, I swear to god. And the kicker? She hates fishing. Hates it. Wouldn’t touch a worm unless there was Rockefeller levels of cash involved. Yet she wants to take Boy on a boat. She doesn’t even like boats. She’s just insane.
Then she wanted me to move his tiny little birthday event to Chucky Cheese. Now, I ask you, if your son asked to go somewhere because he liked the salad bar, and all of the people he wanted to come had already agreed to go there, and the event was less than a week away…would you want to change plans to go to Chucky Cheese? Good lord, if I never have to go to CC, isn’t that a good thing? I know she says these things just to make me crazy. She does. I know she does.
My house is a wreck, the new puppy has piddled on EVERYTHING, and chewed what she can’t piddle upon. Orders have gone through the roof because I got MetaFiltered, the nonsmoking is killing me, and to top it all off…I’m having full blown, OMG, call out the marines, someone find the chocolate, PMS.
Seriously…someone find the damn chocolate. A chocolate cigarette would be perfect. A chocolate, cognac and xanax filled cigarette. Yeah…that’s the good stuff.
Oh, congrats on getting MetaFiltered! Who posted it? I never read MeFi anymore, unfortunately…
Good luck with the mother and the orders and the puppy and beating the cigarette addiction. Go you!
So this is one of those moments when I feel so out of touch… but um… MetaFiltered?
(I did just look it up)
it this blog a BIG THING, and I am (once again) oblivious?
My roommate is currently unemployed and her statistical project for college is making her eyes bleed. She’s OCD enough to take very good direction.
Lemme know and I can send her over.
As my BFF always says “no one can f**k with you like your family”.
Chucky Cheese WTF? If I never set foot in one of those, I’ll be happy. Boy should have his party where HE wants to have it! So there!
*hands you a chocolate-cognac-xanax-filled cigarette* Made ‘em myself. You’re not the only one with skillz. LOLOL!!!
Oh, I totally missed out on the MeFing. I need to by some of your bath soap one of these days. What happens if they try to deliver it while I’m not home? Nobody’s at the casa between 7a-5p when they make deliveries b/c of work.
MadamJujujive posted it first, then there was a metatalk thread that had listings from all the various mefis that have arts and crafts type stuff for sale. It wasn’t an FPP thank gods, I don’t think I could handle that much traffic.
And thanks.
Yeah, Metafilter drives about as much traffic as say Boing Boing, or Slashdot, maybe Fark. It sees probably a million visits a day…or something crazy like that. I’ve been a member there for 6 or 7 years.
If I could afford an assistant, I would so have one.
Yeah…my mom…bless her…I wonder if I can still trade her for camels.
Oooooh drug filled, alcohol cancer sticks! You do love me!
It wasn’t an FPP, thank gods. I’m not sure I’d know what to do with that traffic. My poor little server would probably just fall over.
I ship everything via Priority Mail, so I’d think it would just go in your mailbox with the rest of your mail, no? If your mailbox isn’t big enough, I’m not sure how they handle it. I think at apartments, they probably leave it at the office, or leave a note that tells you to come get it? I dunno. Here, when I get huge boxes, the mail lady just throws it up on to the porch.
Seriously, good luck with your folks’s visit. Deep breaths…lots of deep breaths.
Do you need any help? I might not be able to make up new batches, but I’m good at lifting heavy things…and I still need to bring Boy’s birthday presents over.
Boy gets what HE wants for his b-day. Your mom is done mom-ing. She can DEAL.
Boy, if I had a kid, my mom & I would probably fight a lot over THAT attitude. *hee*
Oh hey, that reminds me…what are you guys doing for Xmas? If you don’t already have plans, you’re welcome to come over here.
I think I’m good. It’s too late to make more for xmas. If I run out of something, I’ll either have to ask if they want to substitute a transparent, or a different kind of soap.
That said, you know what I could really use some help doing next year? Building dessication cabinets. If I had better drying cabinets, I could speed up production considerably…and it means I wouldn’t have 800 pounds of soap sitting all over the house drying.
I know. I haven’t decided if she’s just fucking with me or not. I mean, I wouldn’t put it past her. She thinks it’s funny to wind me up. Silly woman.
Deb, bless her heart, is going to come up and help distract Mothra. Mothra LOVES Deb.
Speaking of, I think Deb may be swinging by to say hi to you on the way. She feels bad that she didn’t call either of us on our birthdays…apparently, she was super sick and lost like two weeks in a nyquil haze. (As ya do.) 
That sounds more than reasonable. Let me know when you need the help.
Hmmmm, that gives me an idea for a FPP post one of these days…
Yea, I live in an apt with a small box and no office. The last time I tried ordering something, they left a note telling me to pick it up at the UPS shop b/w 9a and 4p…yea, guess where I am? Oh well, will try it out anyways and see what happens!
You breeders always crack me up. Even though it’s your true calling, it still cracks me up.
In case you forgot….EVERY day is chocolate, cognac, fropstick day….when you didn’t breed.
Neener, I say. Neener!
Hmm. Dress the puppy as the Boy, send it with your parents to Chuck. E. Cheese, then use the extra breathing room to catch up on orders. Train the Boy to help by fetching chocolate and any other medication. The Man can straighten and hopefully mend the puppy damage.
The cheese, of course, stands alone.
*hands you chocolate… GOOD chocolate*
Just so you know – I haven’t forgotten about you.
Setting these damn editable templates up for easy printing is a PITA & I’ve been feeling decidedly uncreative lately.
I’ll send you some stuff this weekend though.
Aw, poor Deb! I’m sure she’ll call me & tell me about it…sickness AND coming up I mean.
No worries angel! Do it whenever.
Hee! Hey, be careful. I’ll come camp on your couch.
It wouldn’t work. If only it would…